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Winter

2011-11-30T13:08:00.001-08:00

Wintertime. I'm especially unprepared for it this time around, but I hope to make the best of it.

We found a new place to live in. It's not far from where we live now but it's safer, brighter, bigger and newer. New is good. Probably why I move every year.

Brainstorming a lot lately, about how to decorate the rooms, new little projects, Christmas gifts, bigger projects, about the long term. Having a small holiday party with a few friends. I'm excited to try out some new mac and cheese experiments! Then, to plan a housewarming party in the new year.

I downloaded Day One on my phone and computer, hoping to keep track of my thoughts better. I always wanted to write every morning. Now's as good as a time than any, right?

Paris 8: Parisians

2011-10-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

Paris 7: Eat

2011-10-13T22:25:00.000-07:00

Paris 6: Landmarks

2011-10-11T10:42:00.000-07:00

Notre Dame from Pont de la Tournelle

Waiting in line to enter the Notre Dame

Chimneys, Mary Poppins-style, from the Notre Dame stairwell

View from atop Notre Dame

We didn't go up the Eiffel tower but... we stood at the center of the Eiffel Tower...

...and looked up. Felt grand.

The Eiffel Tower lights up while on a dinner cruise along the Seine

At Le Louvre!

This painting has more square feet than our apartment.

As close as you can get to the Mona Lisa.

Atop Arc du Triomphe! Our noses are flaring because we just walked down Champs Elysees, a street longer than that one behind us, then up a serious flight of stairs!

It was raining but we found Moulin Rouge and stopped long enough to take this photo!

Paris 5: Street Art

2011-10-10T22:07:00.001-07:00

Paris 4: Boutique

2011-10-07T12:23:00.000-07:00

Window shopping the streets of Paris was my favorite part of our walks (probably not Jason's!). Someday I'll have a shop with a storefront as cute as the Parisians do. It was impossible to enter every single shop but I sure as hell wanted to.

[click the photo to view larger]

Paris 3: Jardins

2011-10-05T13:51:00.000-07:00

Immaculate public parks of Paris. Step it up SF, we have a ways to go to match this.

[click to see the bigness]

Paris 2: Les Rues de Paris

2011-10-03T23:25:00.000-07:00

Here's a curated set of photos that I took on the miles of walking we did every day. Some days we left the hotel with a destination, others days we got deliberately lost. I don't know what we would have done without the Lonely Planet Paris guidebook that our friend Kam gave us! Helped us feel comfortable that we'd find our way no matter where we turned. I loved that if we ever saw a curious or cute alleyway, we turned into it without any discussion. That street looks cute and we're going to walk down it and that's that! I know now more than ever, I can walk beside this man forever.

The areas photographed below show when we left the magnificent Louvre, while got lost in Marias in search for Las Du Fallafel that was closed, roaming around Montmarte where Amelie was filmed, passing French merchandise of sidewalk vendors along the Seine river, the bustling outdoor market of Rue du Mouffetard, the Universite du Sorbonne adjacent to our hotel, rooftops of Odeon, and the stairways leading from the Sacre Coeur Cathedral where we happened to catch a beautiful Sunday service.

[click on any photo to see its large version]

Paris 1: Les Animaux

2011-10-02T23:12:00.000-07:00

Paris photos are finally edited and brought to you by Milan Lee Productions!

I won't be posting in chronological order since that method only really works for those in attendance. Instead, I've decided to tell the story by theme of content. Allow me to ease you in with a short post of some furry friends you might see on the streets of Paris.

Our Wedding

2011-10-01T19:11:00.002-07:00

All photos by Peter McCollough.

It's been nearly a month since these photos were taken, and still I find new things to love about that day as it unfolded in amazing ways that I never could have planned. The foyer setup, the banquet tables, the flower arrangements, the lighting, the music, the hors d'ouvres, the bathtub, the candles, the giant wreath, everyone's outfits, and silly faces in the photobooth, the Sapporo keg, the slideshow, the mountain setting...the past 9 months came together in reality for me and I'm still pinching myself to wake up. I consider myself to be overly critical but I can honestly say that because of our family and friends, every detail of our wedding day was taken care of and nothing could have possibly gone wrong. Jason and I married each other while surrounded by the powerful love of our dearest friends from near and far and we. were. invincible. Some people say, "It's just another day", and some people say It's the happiest day of your life". I think I'll go with something in between. All I know is that I am so happy to have these photos to look back upon on those rainy days, when I need a reminder of how just damn lucky we are. Thank you, you know who you are.

What's in Your Locket?

2011-09-30T11:36:00.001-07:00

Paris Haven

2011-09-30T11:36:00.000-07:00

Just looking at these spaces is an intense experience - just pouring my wishes all over it -- I wish I had remembered this for our honeymoon. Next time, I'd love to one of these Paris apartments for a few days. Heck, next time, I'd love to just walk through one of these apartments.

What am I saying? I'd just like to go to Paris again.

http://www.haveninparis.com/special.php

Series of edited photos from our Paris trip coming this week. I have it all lined up. See I'm getting it together already :) Check back soon!

I Can't Quit You, IBD

2011-09-30T10:59:00.000-07:00

In college I studied visual design, and was exposed to a whole new world of technology, internet, and inspiration. I wanted to share it with anyone who cared so in 2006, I started this blog. I had a plethora of interests and I figured someday, looking back at this blog, I'll see a pattern and realize who I am. All the things that happen when you're not looking will make sense someday.

Turns out running a blog is harder than it seems. Curating, being relative, updating; I picked up the pace in 2009 (the year after I graduated and moved to the Bay Area for my first job, all very exciting) and then dropped the ball as 2010 passed (moved in with my then-boyfriend, got a different but dream job). I just got married to then-boyfriend and here we are, at the end of 2011, and I find myself back on this blog.

Good ol' IBD. Seems as though I come back to this blog when I feel like having something of my own. I tweak the layout, update the About Me, and then I feel like a creator again. I thought for a while that IBD was growing stale, so I tried adding a couple "features", then started another blog with a more group concept, and then another that focused a particular subject matter. Sadly none of those ideas really panned out. And all the while IBD sat patiently, no group, no focus, just an old friend who will always be there.

I can't ever throw you away, IBD. I'm going to clean you up again, write an apology for all my readers for not posting in forever, and think about re-concepting you one more time. I'm still figuring out who you are, IBD, because I'm still figuring out who I am. Aren't we all?

Learning through connecting

2010-10-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

I love this paragraph Inkling's latest blog post. Resonates with me on a personal level, considering the way I grew up, the projects I'm drawn to, and my fascination with relationships and Co/Lab, the collaboration project.

Informal learning, by contrast, happens in the mental space between lectures. It’s what you learn outside a formal setting by observing the world and trying things out. (You didn’t learn the consequences of sticking a fork in the toaster from a book; you simply tried it.) It’s what you learn when you follow the trail of questions raised by every answer—once you read this , it makes you want to learn more about that, which in turn sparks your curiosity about something else. The next thing you know, hours have gone by and you’re the world’s newest expert on something you, perhaps, hadn’t expected. Odds are, just like in the first example you thought of above, you may have even called on your friends, colleagues, and the Internet to help in this process. Type I learning means developing networks (with people) and connections (between disparate concepts) that help you better understand ideas, both new and old.

Read the full thing here: http://www.inkling.com/blog/

It also reminds me of a quote from Tony Hsieh's Delivering Happiness:

"...happiness doesn't come primarily from within but, rather, from between."

-Jonathan Haidt in The Happiness Hypothesis

Anyway. Just food for thought.

Dear Darling Dear,

2010-08-16T19:14:00.000-07:00

As if I need another blog, I've started a new one on relationships.

A little personal, a little found, all centered around the topic of Relationships. The name came to me whilst lying in bed one night, thinking about what to write in Jason's 30th birthday card, and the blog concept followed soon after.

I think I'll find this blog easier to upkeep because relationships are always on my mind. If not about my own, then about others, and if not about others, then about my relationship with myself. I've already queued up over 10 posts before this announcement, so keep checking back. And if it looks completely different from when you last visited, don't be scared. I'm just messing with the design. Although I do like the simplicity of it and Tumblr right now...

Quickly, let jot down an update. I am thinking about getting a puppy and am holding off as long as I physically can. I started a new job soon after returning from Belize -- I can honestly say I love my job. I started working out again. This has been the coldest summer in the Bay Area and I hate it. I want to have another bocce ball party with my friends but I have zero free weekends until October! My childhood friend is getting married and I'm going to be a bridesmaid for the first time. Should be an amazing union.

Hope you all are well!

Oh, Belize

2010-05-22T18:47:00.000-07:00

Our trip to Belize was short and sweet. Ambergris Caye, the island on which we stayed, is an colorful to the eye and satiating to the tongue. We fell in love with their banana pineapple smoothies (with a dash of coconut cream) and the water was so warm. The people were so friendly and open, sometimes a little too much. My favorite day was the day we did absolutely nothing. I had a chance to slow down and quiet my mind, something I haven't been able to do in I can't remember how long.

Below are some photos of our arriving by water taxi to the yoga retreat, shots during our bike ride along the coast, our view from the hammocks we took over, and from underwater, swimming with nurse sharks and sting rays! Hope you enjoy this glimpse of paradise, and may it encourage you to find a slice of your own :)

[All photos by me and a trusty instant camera. Click to see larger]

Traveling Carnivale

2010-05-01T18:40:00.000-07:00

From our apartment we can see lights for a carnival that wasn't there before. A few weekends ago we finally got a chance to go and relive the nostalgia of cotton candy and prizes. I really just wanted to take my camera out and I'm so glad I did. But can I just say that the small ferris wheel (last photo) is the scariest ride I've ever been on?Jeebus holy moly christ.

Taking Risks for Happiness

2010-04-30T09:14:00.000-07:00

A woman was on a vacation to become happier and while she was away, the love of her life died, and she was so stricken with grief that she arranged to have a new body made for her to live in, and when it was ready she would transfer her memories to the body, like a hard drive. But she could only transfer chunks at a time because there was only so much bandwidth, but in the process the company ended losing the rest of her memories, including the ones of the love of her life. The dream was about her struggle to find these lost memories, as painful as they may be, while in this new, shiny body of her new life.

If this is not a movie yet, then I call Hollywood dibs on the plot. If it is, well, then, please tell me what movie it is so I can add it to my Netflix queue!

Can I just say that I am completely excited about life, to the point where I'm excited for everyone else? I'm feeling a sense of adventure and hopefulness, with no reservation. I suppose this all could be influenced by the fact that just came back from a vacation in Belize (will post photos once my instant cameras develop), or the fact that I'm also starting a new job soon! Seems to be a pattern, no? I'm okay with patterns.

PS) After waking up this morning, I read an article in the NYTimes about a woman who rebuilt a home and new life for herself in a way I admire to the core. See photos here.

Another dream, another pointless interpretation

2010-04-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

"I had the raddest of rad dreams," is how I thought I'd start sharing, finding the words while drifting from sleep to wake this morning. Now I'm not sure how rad I understand it was to be, but let me tell you anyway.

I was a guest at a wedding, with all different kinds of people like a high school prom, cheerleaders here, hip hop dancers there, stuffy fluffy poufs over here. I somehow assumed the role of wedding photographer, at first just capturing quiet candid moments. Soon I was organizing people into groups, giving them direction on poses, props. The atmosphere was fun and lively and people were waiting and I had to say you're next! I promise. And they'd laugh and wait anyway.

I saw it all through the viewfinder. At one point I couldn't get a group of people holding albums standing on a flight of stairs into the frame, and being below I couldn't capture the back row, no matter where I stood. On an instinct I ran to the table behind me, a wooden board on two horses, really, and jumped up on it to get the best view. The people gathered around, eating and drinking at the table were shocked for a moment, but soon caught up with the energy and cheered me on! By the time I was standing on the edge of the plank, instructing people at the other end to weigh it down like a see saw, I saw my subjects had arranged themselves on the flight of stairs so creatively... the albums they were holding were now color coordinated, and beaming up at me. I shouted out gratitude for making my job easier, and snapped away while the people below laughed and cheered at this wild photographer. More and more people flooded onto the steps to get into this mega shot and I jumped up with joy. I jumped up but didn't come down. I was floating. Up and up and up -- unafraid, high off endorphins...

I remember at one point slinging by camera down to hand it to someone before gracefully swinging to the ground from a rope. I remember losing that camera and all the happy faces I captured. I remember looking for Jason to share this moment, losing my smile at the fact that he'd missed it all.

I remember taking a walk on a bright spring day, my sisters and mom and I barely squeezing through a narrow path lined with little dwarf homes with little dwarf field flowers and little dwarf mailboxes and sunlight spilling itself over everything. I saw it all through the viewfinder. I woke with this tension, not fitting into the space of such beautiful surroundings, wanting to take it all home with me, not being able to.

Gifts in the Hall

2010-03-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

I came home late last night and he points me to the hallway I'd just walked through. You want me to... leave? I look back and see something new, an addition that wasn't there before. I walk over and instantly recognize it as the last Tugboat print I was pining over in my last post, The Iceberg. He'd read my blog and my not-so-subtle hint and he actually bought it for me! He even looked through all the rest of the items in their shop to be sure that's the one I'd really like. Smitten, with him for listening, and the poster for being pure awesome.

What I love most about the poster is that it's beyond that, the idea of "what's below the tip of the iceberg". I observe the meticulous detail required to design the piece and then to register chunks of wood to precision... I love feeling that part of the art -- the making part, the part that makes it made. Good job, Tugboat!

Side note: A conversation we had while making the bed.

(To preface, the night before I'd found myself without blankets in the middle of the night. brrr. To be fair, he did wake up and feel bad and covered me up. The next morning I pulled off all the blankets on our bed to be sure we made it properly before we went to sleep so the blankets won't shift so much again.)

[Jase starts making the bed while I brush my teeth, and I make hand motions to tuck in the feet of the top sheet]

Jase in a whiny voice: But!! I don't like it when I can't move! My legs feel restricted.

Me: [pause] Okay, just tuck in my side then. [I start to help] You sound like a baby.

Jase: YOU sound like a baby.

Me: Well I'm the one who's waking up freezing in the middle of the night because the blankets are loose and SOMEONE keeps taking them!

Jase: Well at least III give them back to you!

Don't worry we're not arguing, we looked at each other after that last statement and busted up in laughter. Just bickering like loving people do. No blankets were harmed in this conversation.

Deep Blue Sea by TUGBOAT

2010-03-10T14:41:00.000-08:00

Woodblock prints by Paul Roden + Valerie Lueth of Tugboat Printshop in Pittsburg, PA. I would kill for any of these pieces, esp the last one. *cough* jason *cough* .

Bored and want to blow your own mind? Go here immediately to see their meticulous and just plain awe-inspiring process on their website.

Just what the doctor ordered...

2010-03-04T14:00:00.000-08:00

Did you hear that huge sigh of relief? I just got back from lunch and sun basking in the park, hands down my top favorite thing to do alone. The weather has bummed me out to the max, and then here comes the sun, soaking my pant threads like a sauna. So warm. So worth it. Today's people-watching treat was a couple of guys practicing back flips.

Speaking of sun, my friend is convincing me to go to Belize with her next month for a few days. Flights are less than $600 round trip. Should I do it? We could stay here; more photos here.

HMMMMMMMMM.....

A New Series: Confessions

2010-03-04T10:38:00.000-08:00

I've apparently written this somewhere before, but I can't find the post anywhere, so I'm posting again. And even though I haven't been consistent with my Series, I'm establishing this one today.

Each one of us is connected. Some of us on many many levels. This entry is inspired by Mayu Ishikawa and Lola Muldrew.

In my recent years of life I've shared probably thousands of private experiences. By private, you curious monkeys, I mean a connection that is mutually recognized as a connection, and occurs between two people. Whether it be profound or futile, long or momentary, productive or lazy, it's understood as a legit experience, and registered.

Now (the plot thickens), the exciting part is that I can walk away from that private experience feeling a certain way, but the other person could very well walk away from that very same experience feeling completely opposite! That truth fascinates me and baffles my mind. That I could feel something completely independent of another person's knowledge and so it will be until I give them, and myself, permission to share that feeling. They'd never know otherwise. And the same goes the other way. Now for the depressing truth: such confessions almost never happen.

This program's focus is Sharing. Be honest and open with the people who are gracious enough to share their lives with you. Would you want to know if you changed my life with a seemingly insignificant act? Would you want to know what part of you has become a part of me? I would. We all would. I want to practice this for the rest of my life.

So, to start, I will be taking the time to "confess" an anonymous connection I've had here on IBD. It will take energy, time and concentration, but so does anything and everything else that matters (funny that the acronym for "energy time and concentration" is "etc", as if it's common procedure). Without names, know that I write to you. Yes, you, because you changed my life that one fine day.

You will know who you are.

Bright White

2010-03-03T15:09:00.000-08:00

I've grown an appreciation for the cold this winter season. Even at it's lowest temperature, there is beauty.

But I still can't wait for spring.

Learn to love the fool

2010-03-03T10:21:00.000-08:00

Today, a quote:

"I must learn to love the fool in me--the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool."

-- Theodore I. Rubin, MD

Humdrum Town - by Theophilus London

2010-02-28T22:34:00.000-08:00

Back from a long weekend in Tahoe -- came home and knocked out for five hours. I had a great time seeing everyone! (Thanks Peter for organizing again this year).

But right now, this song is the only thing I'm feelin' more than the watch worn by the girl in this video. Anyone have any ideas on where I can snag one of those?

via Max Wanger

Grain Surfboards

2010-02-25T10:29:00.000-08:00

http://www.grainsurfboards.com

Beautiful website, beautiful concept, beautiful photos.

Grain Surfboards offers wooden surfboard building classes right in our shop in York, Maine. You’ll learn alongside the same builders that craft our custom wooden surfboards from locally grown, sustainable white cedar. By the end of a Grain class, each student will walk away with their own hand-built, wooden surfboard.

A Conversation pt. 2

2010-02-24T08:59:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's conversations continued...

Me: Would you work if you didn't have to?

Him: Yeah, probably.

What would you do?

[Various ideas, including conducting a train across the country]

ooo, that would be chill.

Yeah, I could eat junk food all day.

No! I would be in the food car and make sure you eat healthy organic fresh foods all day.

What, you're going to bring me food every day?

No, I'd be working in the food car. You'd order a Big Mac, and I'd be like, no, you should have a fresh salad. And you'll be like, FIINNNEE and later you'll come back and be like, wow, that was pretty good, thank you, and then you'll come back every day and order a Big Mac and I'll give you a salad and you'll soon realize I do it because I love you and you realize you keep coming back knowing you won't get what you order because you love me and then one day you'll propose to me in the cap of a water bottle.

A water bottle?

Yeah, like Snapple. But we don't serve Snapple. Too much sugar.

I don't think Snapple tastes too sugary...

It's not about taste.

and then the train comes and we go to work in silence.

A Conversation pt.1

2010-02-23T08:18:00.000-08:00

A rough recall of this morning's conversation while walking through the brisk 6 AM air as we do every morning...

Him: I wish we had a helicopter to take us from our place to BART (the train station).

Me: Yeah... I'm sure helicopters take time to warm up though.

True...

But maybe we could auto-set the time so as soon as we wake up, it turns on and by the time we get to the roof it'll be warm and ready to drop us off and instead of wasting time landing we can rappel down to the station with like, ropes and stuff.

Are you sure you can do that?

Uh, yeah? Can you?

It's from pretty high up there, I'll need like 5 ropes secured to me.

Well, I'd make sure the auto pilot knows to get close to the sidewalk so we can basically step down.

Okay.

OR, we could just teleport.

Yeah, duh, why didn't we think of that? We could use the closet. Where would it drop us off at?

Inside the next train?

No, right at the front door of our work.

Yeah...OR, we could just quit our jobs and never leave our bed ever again.

Yeaaah, I like that one.
...

To be continued.

Bigger and bigger and better

2010-02-22T14:52:00.000-08:00

So I know it's been a while since I last wrote about our new place. My apologies. These photos are of the first couple of weeks, and now, three months later, things are so different and more filled in.

This new apartment we're living in is a 'soft loft' and not knowing what that means is kind of silly of me. So I made up my own definition that may or may not be correct. A "soft loft" is mix between an apartment and a loft, whose differences are defined in space and ceiling height. This apartment feels like a loft because it has 9' 7" ceilings, and 7'3" tall windows, but feels like a regular apartment because it has separate rooms and carpet.

But o boy the walls, the walls. I have never had to decorate a large wall like that before. Wait, no, I lie. My mom still gets on my case about my old bedroom, a wall of which I painted a dusty rose color and on top of that a dead white tree. Thing is, my roller couldn't reach all the way up to the 9 ft ceilings and so there's a good foot of ragged, uneven white space at the top. Momma was not happy.

We've painted the den a pretty pale blue, and a few walls bright white. I'd really like to paint a large canvas with Jase as one of our home projects we do together. Looking for inspiration, please shoot any and all beautiful ideas my way!

This is all i want

2010-02-17T15:35:00.000-08:00

The hat. The dress. The bike. The view. The day. The life.

image by The Selby, my idol.

Nice things

2010-02-10T14:52:00.000-08:00

Ephemera.
Nostalgia.
Momentos.
Lovers.
Creme fraiche.
Personal space.

Setting Sail

2010-01-22T15:40:00.000-08:00

[A ship I found and don't know where from. I'm sorry. No wait, it's from a chocolatier featured on The Selby.]

Does anyone else need a spontaneous vacation? I do. Was just talking to a friend about how one day 7 years ago I said Hey I'm coming down to visit you this weekend and flew down to San Diego for a few nights. That was fun. I'd like to do something like that again soon. It's good for the soul.

Feel free to give Beach House's Teen Dream a listen. Who knows, maybe we'll be listening together. I'm going to be playing this music all weekend to keep me company as I plan to stay cooped up all weekend. Warm, blanketed, and sleeping.

http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=122216618&m=122224101

Happy weekend, everyone.

A Crafty Weekend

2010-01-19T14:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's weather forecast was doomed to begin with, but it turned out to be a great day. My sister and mom came from Davis to visit my other sister and I in the Bay Area. They saw where we live and we drove around the neighborhood. Tomatina for lunch, and back to my house for an afternoon of crafting. We have plans to open up an Etsy store soon, and today was our first day of brainstorming together. My mom was super happy; you can tell by the WPMs coming out of her mouth. Non-stop talking! Enjoy the photos; the last few are of what we had made by the end of the day.

PS) See if you can find the rainbow that came out!

Shiver Me Timbers

2010-01-19T09:34:00.000-08:00

We've been up to Tahoe together 6 times in the past month and a half; he and his brother an additional three. This winter cold is to last for another three months - can I handle it? I don't know. Let's first manage through this rain all week. I hear it's supposed to clear up Saturday.

Natural Light

2010-01-08T09:37:00.000-08:00

[images from design*sponge and solid frog, my two favorite places for interiors inspiration]

From a post for spaces with natural light came a newfound love for indoor plants. Oh how they extend heights and depths of a room, adding such happiness and LIFE. I can't wait to get more plants for our apartment.

Rag & Bone Combat Heel

2010-01-07T09:45:00.000-08:00

This boot screams "HOT HOT HOT" to me. Does it for you too? Where can I find a knockoff...

Chevrons on the Wall

2010-01-06T10:27:00.000-08:00

(photo via Sabbespot via Stephmodo)

I love Sabbespot's idea for contact paper chevrons on her wall. The only problem is deciding which wall to try it on... perhaps beneath the counter??

Or how about these distressed chevron picture frames? A perfect balance between graphic and vintage; just my style.

Change for a Reason

2010-01-05T09:59:00.000-08:00

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

-Marilyn Monroe

(via Brit and Dave)

I agree with this quote with all my soul. Who knew that I would have the same ideals as Marilyn Monroe?

Getting Real by 37 Signals

2010-01-05T09:04:00.000-08:00

Reading this online book about building successful web-based apps and business philosophies, and already in the first chapter I'm totally inspired. I guess that's the point of an introduction paragraph, huh.

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all sentences short or avoid all detail and treat subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.

—From "The Elements of Style" by William Strunk Jr.

Winding Down 2009

2009-12-31T14:03:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's a 2009 wrap-up post! At times I feel like I'm going nowhere fast, at other times I couldn't be more content. Lately it's been the latter, and I am grateful. 2009 has been more of an emotional struggle for me than any other sort of struggle. I've fallen into some dark corners and flown to incredible heights, sometimes all within a few days. If I had to sum up the year in one word, it would be "patient".

Taking a look at my resolution post from the beginning of the year, I actually feel successful. I also feel sort of silly for having some of those as my priority, but what's done is done!

2009
1. Learn to appreciate what I have. √ certainly an ongoing effort

2. Blog more. √ I wrote 17 posts in the month of March! I also started another blog.
3. Be nicer. I can't say I've improved much on this one. BUT, I have invested in custom thank you cards, and I've been more giving and responsive.
4. Move into my own place. √ I did it! And 8 months later Jason and I moved in together. Hey, at least I did it, and had a chance to do it. I loved that little apartment to pieces.

5. Get comfortable talking to strangers. √ I've come a long way on this one; I'm not nearly as clever as I would hope to be but I'm not as shy either. Yay!

Let's be more specific in 2010, shall we?
1. Get some lift and momentum with PG
Nail down a schedule and recruit talent. I'd like to develop columns and get some passionate people on board. Who would be dedicated to the cause? Set an example, take it seriously, publish great content. What is our goal?

2. Lay a foundation for freelance

More and more I'm getting job requests for graphics, website consulting and brand identity work. I don't plan to market myself aggressively but I would like to be prepared to receive business so that I may enjoy the experience and open myself to learning.

5. Stay comfortable

Read: Stay employed. I had that as a joke resolution last year but after seeing 2009 run its course I mean it. I have hope, and see the opportunities, but nobody likes bitten asses. Only unbitten ones.

4. Travel abroad for three weeks, goddamnit
Self-explanatory.

5. Learn webdesign
I design for web, but I can't say I know how to design a website from scratch. Absolutely hands down a gaping hole as a designer that needs to be filled. Who wants to teach me?!!! :)

6. Take more photos

Starting with a new lens...

Anywho. All the best to you, who reads this blog. Thanks for being the receiving end of my sporatic tirades and pretty photo posts. I do appreciate you for giving me a reason to care. Happy new year!

Milan

Atelier

2009-12-30T10:51:00.000-08:00

Am terribly in love with the brick wall red green combo. Someday, oh someday, I will have my own space for my own business for my own work. I will flow between this lovely space to my lovely home, and back again to this lovely space in the morning.

Every morning will start with drinking a cup of joe while gazing out the window. After a minute or two I will dive into an hour of email diligence, corresponding and sending quotes. The destiny of my day lies in lists, lists, and more lists. I'll take my lunch outside. I'll offer design services like branding, website consulting, illustration and installation commissions, copyrighting, photography and prop styling... I'll host events like book readings, exhibitions, crAfternoons, and dinner parties... my kitchen will always be full of take-home desserts for my interns and clients.

My business will thrive on collaboration and sensibility, quiet with honesty and strength. We'll know that word of mouth is the most intimate form of advertising. We'll believe in our work and our clients and our talent. I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait...

Toeside, I Love You

2009-12-30T10:00:00.000-08:00

Two full seasons, a cup full of tears, and one too many hissy fits later, I finally learned how to snowboard properly!! Jason had me follow his line and before I knew it we were dancing. Damn he's good. So, here are some celebratory winter images for you.

Click for sources

Hors D'oeuvres

2009-12-29T13:58:00.000-08:00

I scoured the internet to create an hors d'ouvres menu for our housewarming party, so I thought I'd share with you the successes. These three happen to be the easiest, so if you're having a New Years Eve party at home, consider these!

Caramelized Onion Dip

I'd never made this from scratch before and I was surprised that this recipe calls for two large onions but actually, the finely chopped onions are caramelized over 45 minutes over the stove and reduced down. The intense flavor also calmed, turning almost sweet, even though the recipe doesn't call for sugar! It makes about 2 cups and the entire bowl was wiped clean at the end of the night. Success.

~~Prosciutto~~ Crostini with Lemony Fennel Slaw ( I used Smoked Salmon )

Despite burning one whole tray of sliced baguette, the two trays that did survive were gone before we knew it. I already had another dish that called for prosciutto, but I really liked how refreshing this sounded, so I substituted for smoked salmon. Yum. My.

Fennel root was a first for me. I love the smell of it but it actually was stronger than the taste of it. I like that the slaw isn't made with vinegar, but with lemon. The crunch of the bread with the cool of the salmon was divine. I really wish I didn't burn that one pan.

Pigskins in a Blanket

I suppose I should take offense that this hit dish didn't actually take any real preparation whatsoever, but I'm not. All I did was roll the little piggies prior and stuck it in the fridge. I saved this dish to cook and serve in the middle of the party to replenish the food. Plus, nothing beats a salty-hot snack when you're tipsy.

I think I may have served these a little too quickly and burned a few tongues, but I definitely should have bought twice as much Pillsbury dough and Mini sausages.

Update: Our Costumes

2009-12-28T10:01:00.000-08:00

I present to you: the only photo I have of our Halloween costumes.

Catch-Up Post

2009-12-28T09:20:00.000-08:00

(Sneak peak of one of my craft projects)

It's been a busy December, hasn't it! Hope you all had a tasty holiday. Winding down this month also means winding down the year, and I want to start fresh for 2010 (which by the way still sounds to me like The Future, and even when it IS 2010 in the present, I will feel like I have time-traveled). Allow me to update you on the haps.

What I Have Been Up To.. In Reverse
Yesterday, Jason took me to buy some running shoes. I hadn't been to the gym properly at all this year, and I'm beyond the point where I'm even ashamed to admit it. It's a sad fact but a fact nonetheless, and already in this post I present to you my new years resolution: I, Milan Phan, resolve to figure out what "working out really means". By doing, not just in theory. I don't even know how it FEELS to be physically fit. Anyway, let that be a whole other blog post. *scheduling now* It was a quick purchase thanks to the lovely lady at Transports on College Ave, and paired with my new airy red running shorts, I'm really excited to drop all my excuses and start running.

I went home for the holidays and spent three days at my parents. By "spent" I mean I lay underneath the kotatsu all day and watched movies on cable TV. For three days. I literally did not step outside except to take the trash out. For the few of you who knows what it feels to be a "planner" who doesn't have that much free time, imagine coming to a screeching halt and finding yourself in this equation:

A) You are back in the home you grew up in, and your parents are, well, let's just say they aren't available.
B) Your laptop charger has died and nobody you know who has a MacBookPro is in town. (Read: No internet).
C) In fact, nobody you know is in town.
D) Eventually your iPhone charger also goes kaput, thankfully temporarily, but still, kaput. (Read: No internet OR mobile applications).
E) You have access to cable, which you don't have at home, and the warmest place in the house is underneath that cursed kotatsu.

I could have chosen to reconnect with Mother Nature and my childhood by taking a pen and paper to the park for a few hours, but I chose the mind-numbing, time-eating cable TV as my vacation. I can't believe how unprepared I was to relax, but at this point I just have to let it go.

Breaking the routine, Jason and his brother took my mother and I to Tahoe on Saturday. Tahoe is normal for us, but my mom hadn't been for years. She was a happy trooper and woke up before dawn, packed and dressed in layers and wore rubber boots. While we rode, she stood on a rock watching for us to come down the mountain, and when I took a break to find her, she was beaming brighter than the white snow. She even took some snow home in a Pringles container insulated by a plastic bag. I think she had a good time, and she was pretty cute... up until she threw a chunk of ice at my elbow. Apparently the snow was too dry to make snowballs, hmph!

We had a housewarming party, finally. It took weeks of preparation, mostly because I made it that way, but it was very much worth it in the end. We keep talking about how lucky we are to have such good company, both individually and collectively, and seeing everyone together really solidified our appreciation.

Big picture haps: Things have slowed down with my main side project, but I intend to fully ramp up beginning of 2010. I was contacted for several freelance projects all within three days of each other, and I'm excited about the opportunities. Sidenote: December is a big lull for many businesses, I realize. I hope that I can remember to prepare for the holidays weeks prior so that my future business stays consistent and strong.

What Is To Come
New Years is coming up and I really hope to have an easy transition. This year has been about making a home, deciding my career, and having good relationships. I plan to do one of them end-o'-year blog posts this week that'll include a new blog schedule, goals and photos from the year -- stay tuned! =)

Enjoy the last week of the Present, and prepare for The Future!

Jon Klassen

2009-12-09T14:58:00.000-08:00

I could be very late in this game, but only I've fallen in love with one particular illustration before, never an entire series. I'd love to have a print of Jon Klassen's illustration work, especially these three above, two of which are only thumbnails: they're so wide. While you're shopping for my Christmas presents, be sure to take a peek at his preliminary sketches for stop-motion animation Coraline, and be prepared to get lost.

See Rightly, Little Prince

2009-12-03T10:00:00.000-08:00

(via tout est des roses , originally uploaded by mmelox)

I've been having a hard time lately. This happens frequently, actually. It comes in phases, this feeling of happiness, followed by content, followed by complete numbness. Stirred awake by the realization of the numbness, I become fearful. And then angry. Infuriated even! And then hurt. And then finally ... peaceful. In which I can find happiness again.

It's important to see – not literally look with your eyes, but to pay attention to – the world around you. So much more is important than what happens within you, and conversely, what happens within you dictates so much about how you see the world around you.

I saw the above photo on a blog about natural parenting and it brought me to the surface of what I've been feeling. This sort of peace is exactly what I want. No fear, just clarity. No walls, just heart. That people, including myself, can go weeks without being thoughtful or careful is shockingly real. But there's always an opportunity to come back around and cycle through, again and again.

Capturing memories

2009-11-30T14:00:00.000-08:00

I wish that we all had better memories. On the drive up to and down from Tahoe this weekend, we saw brilliant lights I'd like to never forget. I'm never the one driving (can't really drive) so I'm lucky enough to be able to stare at passing scenery for long periods of time. This time we watched the only cloud on the horizon turn from dark grey to hot pink-orange against an equally transforming sky. As the sun rose, the world turned orange, blue-green, and finally blue, creeping so slowly we barely noticed it.

I stared so long at those clouds as if to memorize it, hoping maybe we could paint it on a canvas, but I think also I didn't take a picture of it because I knew that it could only by captured by looking at the real deal. Y'know that's always the case too -- as soon as I pull out my iPhone the freeway walls block my view and the moment passes. For. E. Ver. Cameras sometimes act counter-intuitively to nature... but what else can we really do to remember something important...

Living out traditions

2009-11-30T10:03:00.000-08:00

[Sneak peek photos of our new place: our makeshift headboard.]

I must say, going into the holiday weekend I was pretty stressed. We had 5 dinners/parties attend, a day trip to the mountain and painting to squeeze into four days. And somewhere I really hoped to relax! Sort of like how I never really know what I'm going to feel like eating later on, I never really know how what I'm going to feel like doing any day, so I like to just leave things up to fate and keep an open schedule. I tend to feel overwhelmed when it comes to obligations, a struggle I'm working on, but I'm sure you all know what it's like to have to divide your time between families over the holidays. But hey, we can't always have things our way.

At one of the dinner parties hosted by my two friends Hannah & James, who by the by pulled together a stunning gourmet meal for 8, there was a conversation topic about cultural hospitality. We talked about how we, in California specifically, lack in that area. As a society we are incredibly selfish and self-centered, too occupied and scared to offer a helping hand to someone in need. Even I can't do anything without asking myself, what about me? What's in it for me, why should I give up my holiday for someone else? So terrible, I know it's wrong, but I'm scared of losing time, being in risk of discomfort or unexpected situation. In other cultures, say in South America or even in our southern states, it's okay to be friendly "just because". Because it's the right thing to do, and why wouldn't you offer a stranger a ride, or a meal, or a tour around town. Why does everything have to be planned and convenient? What about the children?

I could go into religious reasons about why California is so different but I'll instead say that in hindsight, I'm really glad I was able to see all the friends and family that I did. That's what the holidays are for, right? And to my relief, not one thing was stressful. I really enjoyed just being with friends and their friends and my family and his family and being able to make tradition. It's important to have some meaning to the things we do, otherwise we lose that sense of community and culture. The meaning for the holidays is to give thanks and share good spirit with others, and less so about the individual. I do still need to relax and recenter myself soon, but I just learned that there's a time for thinking of others and a time for thinking of oneself. Mixing the two up is always going to be more trouble than its worth.

Now we're back to work this Monday, with a few things to look forward to. Friday, I'm volunteering with Habitat for Humanity for the day and building homes with a few of my co-workers. It should be a rewarding experience - I can feel it! My goal for this week is to have a proper dining table. Watch out Craigslist -- I'm about to be all over you.

Special thanks to Jason for all the driving and support and willing assistance this weekend. Happy Monday!

Part of the Routine

2009-11-25T08:27:00.000-08:00

Just an update on the waking up early routine: I've been successful. Who knew I would ever get used to waking up at 5:33AM? I wouldn't be able to do it alone, so most of the credit belongs to the ever-so-dedicated Jase. Our mornings are consistently as the following:

We wake to the sound of his alarm, lay around for what seems much longer than the 3 minutes that passes, and after sharing a quick hug and a kiss he'll get going first. I'll quite literally stumble to meet him at the sinks, but not before stretching like a cat and collapsing for another few minutes. Blurry-eyed [yet to put my contacts in], I reach out to turn on the water, and while waiting for it to warm I try to stand straight. If I can't catch my balance I lean on his left shoulder and give him a horrid morning-smile that can't possibly be endearing but he seems to think it is. He laughs. I wash up, style the hairs, put the face on, and get dressed. Of course by now he's been waiting for 10 minutes, patient as a lion, and I'm hustling to get my things together and run out the door. Normally I'd joke and say, "Gosh, are you ready yet? I've been waiting for you!" [even though, clearly, he's been waiting for me] and he'll go, "ho-ho-ho-really?!" and I'll go, "teehee hee yeaaaa," but now I realize, I should probably just thank him for not ditching me.

I really can't stand the goodness that is captured in this photograph above. I rediscovered The Selby website yesterday and got lost in this couple's home -- please check it out when you get the chance. When I see work like this, photography in people's personal spaces, I know, deep in my soul, that I'm meant to be there. To do That. To be a part of That. That I'm meant to do something bigger and lively and real ... I just don't know how to get there. Every morning I cherish our morning routines, and if when running out that door I were looking forward to a day chockful of equally brilliant routines? Gosh. Ya know?

For now, I'll pretend that I'm that girl, painting on her porch, sun beaming on the back of her pretty sundress. And that I have blonde hair.

Tiffany who?

2009-11-24T15:12:00.000-08:00

I would kill [a blade of grass] for anything in this shop. Especially these.

Clockwise: Bent Feather Cuff ($60), Wood Link necklace ($90), Penknife Necklace , Vintage Bracelet pack, Vintage Feather Ring ($30), Old Slavic Remembrance ring ($65).

I'm a huge fan of vintage THINGS but I can't say I could really LIVE with anything vintage as I like shiny things too much. Not even that... I think I just get a little creeped out by historic usage. BUT. Shiny + vintage = is ok. More than ok, really. If it weren't the holiday seasons I'd be elbow deep in my jewelry box by now, cleaning out and making room for Weiner's entire collection.

But alas. Tis the season for giving, not gaining.

Speaking of which, what are your plans for the holiday? I hope you get at least two days off. Unfortunately, I have a full itinerary of Thanksgiving dinners and parties and boarding and painting -- but I plan to squeeze in at least one movie and one absurd sleep-in sometime. Get fat, everyone, and be merry!

Whew, what a week.

2009-11-23T08:35:00.000-08:00

We've officially moved, US Postal address changed and all! First and foremost, I must give a shoutout to the generous friends who helped us make the move go smoother than butter at room temperature: Casey, James, Japheth, Ben, James, Sarah and Jae. These guys really went out of their way to grunt and groan with Jase and I and we don't know how we'd have avoided a panic attack without them. (By "we" I mean "me", of course). So thank you.

I love love love the new place, and we're constantly thinking of ways to define 'home'. It's interesting to see the physical joining of our belongings in one place, and how they complement each other. For example, before, my mattress/box spring combo somehow sagged toward the middle, while his memory foam mattress always felt a little stiff. But, his bed frame combined with my mattress makes for perfect cush. Throw our new flannel sheets on top and voila! A dream bed.

Things we've acquired: from Craigslist - a wooden slat bench for a coffee table ($100), and two woven bamboo poufs and a skinny floor mirror ($40). We took a trip to get IKEA soft cream and when we came home we constructed a very classy lamp, two kitchen stools and a towel bench from IKEA. Tonight we'll put together the TV stand on casters. I really didn't intend on getting so much furniture from IKEA, but I think we're doing a good job of making it more stylish over standard/plain. It's a fine line to walk on, between practicality and originality. Really, we first need to get our feet planted, then I'm sure in time we'll switch out the IKEA with found pieces that we really love. Photos to come soon!

Jase, this making-home with you has been a breeze. I didn't know what to expect but it's been a pleasant surprise to have your participation. I appreciate how you validate my ideas, and even challenge my suggestions. If that's not what a good partner does, then I don't know what is. I think we-gonn-be alright.

Posts on the way: photos of the new place! Also, as soon as we have a sunny Sunday, I'll take photos of the Farmer's Market down the street; it's right along the pier and possibly the most beautiful market I've seen. Reminds me of the market we'd go to growing up in my hometown. This past Sunday we just soaked it all in, and stopped to get a wood-oven baked pizza that took all of five minutes to bake, and ate it, steaming, right there on the steps. Love.

Jason Lewis Furniture

2009-11-17T12:04:00.000-08:00

[all images from Jason Lewis Furniture]

I can't barely stand the perfection of his chairs. I haven't even finished browsing the tables or storage I had to post about it. Undeniably inspired by mid century modern design, he takes it up a notch and literally crafts it into his own style by hand. I love that I know that this is his art, and his passion. I love that I know each curve and grain has been considered carefully. I wish that Ikea could find a way to make these affordable.

Color me up

2009-11-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

We picked out some wall colors at Home Depot on our way to Thai food. Given a couple of clashing suggestions, we surprisingly came to agreement on three different tones: a light grey, a beautiful turquoise blue and a possible warm tan. I may not get my near-black accent wall, and he may not get his warm orange or green wall, but I think that our place is going to be quite soothing and beautiful in the end. I hope.

Each day this week has heard "Guess what?" "Um... FIVE DAYS!" or, "Guess what?" "Mmmm.. FOUR DAYS!" and so on and so forth.

I cannot wait to move in TWO DAYS.

So much left to do... I best make a list. But first, allow me to think out loud. I think we have enough hands, but I'm not sure... I'll have to buy beer and have pizza delivered for nourishment before we unload... I need to make time to vaccuum and wipe everything down... tonight I should take down all the lights and shelves we installed.. and clean.. and purge.. yes, purging is most important tonight... oh but we should also buy the paint because we may want to give ourselves as much time on Sunday... Sunday the Comcast guy is coming between 8-10AM, and Friday after work I'm supposed to meet the chair lady and haggle the price down b/c I'm most likely going to have to reupholster. meh, not a priority. Ok.

Tonight!
Clean fridge
Start to empty closet: throw out anything and everything
Take down lights/shelves/shades
Get boxes
Get beer

Tomorrow!
Look at chair
Clean kitchen
Clean bathroom
Pack everything in boxes, put ready in front room
Vaccuum
Wipe everything down

Saturday - Moving Day!
Get the U-Haul
Load up
Final wipedown/vaccuum
Call for delivery pizza on the way
Return keys
Start to unload
Nourish with pizza and beer
Finish unload
Return U-Haul
Start painting?

Sunday!
Paint!

Reminders:
Jase : Bring ladder on Sat
Maichi: Bring Vac on Fri

Urge to Purge

2009-11-10T09:35:00.000-08:00

We're moving this weekend and I'm trying to get things organized. I still have to pack most of my belongings but as with every move I make, I need to rid of unwanted, space-wasting, frivolous and useless things. My usual philosophy is based on how much of an emotional attachment I have to it. Like so:

But now, sharing this new home, I'm going to have to be more strict on myself if I want a fresh start. Either I love it and use it, or I toss it!

No more of this grey area BS. I mean, what's the use of having so much in storage that never even crosses my mind. Feel me? What am I gonna do with a tacky blanket, old sheets, some old perfume or near-dead pens? Meh! I say to pack rat tendencies!

That said, I just did a bit of online shopping for kitchenware, a wodden bath mat, pencils and tweezers. All very essential (and stylish) things.

And he sleeps with the rain

2009-11-06T13:22:00.000-08:00

It's grey and misty and wet today on this side of the bay. I can't wait to get back to my side, and to daydream colors of wall paint for the new apt.

8 days.

Two perfectly lovely blogs that fit my mood exactly these days. And I think they are both German. I should think about traveling there someday. Think it will be safe for me to go alone?

Fine Little Day

Solid Frog

Bicycle Love

2009-11-02T13:55:00.000-08:00

I know I had a bike on my wishlist before but I found another one! I really would love a bicycle to have and to hold, to ride and to cherish. So much that I would vow to lock it up each time so that it doesn't get stolen like those other three.*

All I need is $600. Fundraiser?

Bowery Lane Bicycles - Breukelen BIke

*I grew up in Davis which is possibly the most friendly, safe town on the West coast. Unfortunately, it is also the "bike capital of the world", so free bikes were rarely overlooked. A-holes.

Update!
Found some new links for custom bikes that are just as beautiful, and some are twice as expensive!
Jitensha
Bilenky Cycle Works
(via Another Something)

But this practical suggestion by my friend @nnnich seems to be the winner: Cycles of Change APC. It's a non-profit community org in my local community that offers services like used bike sales, youth and adult job training, an earn-a-bike program, field trips and a repair shop! I'll definitely have to check it out.

Sudden Arousal (makes for a great movie title)

2009-11-02T08:00:00.000-08:00

[I wrote this three Mondays ago about waking up early, and held off posting as a promise for myself to keep up with the routine. So far, I slept in twice, and all other days were successful. Enjoy the read!]

Nothing to report this morning. Jas got a new job here in the city so I've been waking up at 6 AM to commute with him all week so I'm a bit tired ("all week" being a whole three times so far and counting). I get into work shortly after 7 and have at least an hour and a half to be alone and awake. I really like that being alone part.

On Monday I turned on all the lights. On Tuesday I kept all but my desk lamp off, and it was great. Today, there were two or three other people in as well so that sucked. The plan is to take care of shit without distractions (more productive than I can say for the rest of my day) so that I can come home and properly unwind and not worry about more work to do. Unless I really want to do more work simply because I feel inspired.

On that note, I cannot express the impact of inspiration in words. It's the Good Angel on your shoulder, the mustard in your Bloody Mary, the kiss between lovers. If love is the thing that makes anything worth anything, then inspiration is the thing that becomes before the love that makes anything worth anything. Y'know?! To be inspired means to be suddenly aroused -- to action, to feel, to think. And it feels good. And you like it.

I don't know about you, but when I wrestle my eyeballs from the computer screen's pixels and come home, the last thing I want to do is more work. But I have baby projects that need tending and some days I neglect them. But spending that 1 1/2 hours wedged in the buttcrack of dawn has so far held me accountable for taking care the mundane shit that "needs to be done", and whatever is leftover when I get home is what I want to do out of my own free will, no pointed guns in sight. If I am doing work at home, it better be out of inspiration, and therefore authentic and natural, and ALSO productive, which makes the whole she-bang DOUBLY productive... which makes me pretty much the master of everything.

Notice how I've written daily so far? I could commit to that (that's what she said). And I think you readers might appreciate fresh content more often than once a month. I've been keeping up with correspondence, organizing my day, catching up on blog reading, and making progress on projects, all while chewing copious amounts of coffee grounds!

Yay me.

As I was writing I realized that this could very well be condemning. This early-morning streak could run completely dry, and you will be disappointed in me and I will feel guilty and sorry for myself and neglect the blog for two weeks from embarrassment and then you'll lose faith and I'll lose faith and the Mormons will take this opportunity to convert us all. (Sorry, just read a related article and was inspired. See! There's that word again!)

Rules and Regulations
So, I am not going to publish this post until I've fully adopted this schedule. In the event I don't come into the office, I will still wake up at 6AM and meditate and/or yoga. I'm sort of depending on Jas' schedule for various reasons you won't care about, but most likely if he stays over the night before, we'll come in early together. I will publish this post so that instead of "three days" I can say I've kept this up for "three yearrrrs"! Imagine all I will have accomplished!

This might seem futile to the lot of you. But I should share that I am not very good at keeping my own secrets. Your secrets I'll humbly respect, but if I have this complete draft sitting in my blog, unpublished, unseen, I will burst from knowing I've wasted words and kept something from you. I agonize just thinking about it.

Wish me luck. And now to write a new post replacing this one.

Oh Weekend, how I love thee

2009-10-30T15:09:00.000-07:00

[image from the portfolio of my new favorite stylist, Twig Hutchinson]

The next couple of weeks are going to be pretty hectic, methinks, starting today. After work, Jase and I are going to go sign our new lease on life. Literally. We're moving in together! To a "soft loft" in Jack London Square in Oakland.

But first I have to find someone to cover my apartment because technically, my lease doesn't end til March. So many things to do! Last night I started packing for an open house showing TOMORROW. Eek. There are yellow stickies all over the apartment for things we HAVE to do before showing the place, like taking down fixtures I put up, and packing away the kitchen and wiping everything down. But luckily I am with The Most Patient and Calm person alive; we shall overcome.

As hinted in my previous post, this move is a big step for us in our relationship. The big step before this was me moving to the Bay Area. And before that, it was saying those three little words. We've been together for over three years and for the past year we've talked about this very moment as if it were an inevitable thing that would happen naturally, but not knowing when. And now that it's here I couldn't be more excited.

Happy weekend to all of you. Oh, and have a safe and fun Hallows Eve! Jase and I are going to a party as Waldo and Carmen from Where's Waldo and Where In the World Is Carmen SanDiego. Watch this clip -- acappella makes me smile.

Rescuing Love

2009-10-30T08:15:00.000-07:00

[image from The Thinking Tank]

I haven't always been open to accepting wisdom from others. Sometimes I just want to figure things out myself. What can I say, I'm the stubborn middle child. My heart clenches when criticized, but still, I try to improve.

In my relationship with Jase, I've had to look in the mirror more closely than I've ever cared to look before. Thing is, I know that there's so much more to discover. That both excites and scares me, to be quite honest, so I take it in doses, working on what I can, when I can, and hope that it's for the better. ~~Now that we're taking that next step~~ (more on that later), I'm even more aware of what needs fixing before it's too late.

This time, it took reading Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP newsletter this morning to realize that my relationship with Jase is going to change, and for the better. The newsletter is articulately written from three male perspectives, and I wanted to share all these golden nuggets of wisdom with you, but also so I can call on it if (and when) I'll need it too. Deepak Chopra touches on so many good points in his essay, but here are a few of the ones that spoke to me personally.

"Relationships are happy where love is nurtured. They begin to fray around the edges when love is compromised, and they end when love is gone."

"To rescue love, you first must understand what it is. Love includes affection but is more than affection. It associates itself with sexual desire, kindness, compassion, altruism, and mutual regard. With those things in mind, many couples turn love into loving acts and loving feelings. But such efforts are the effect of love, not love itself. You cannot turn an effect into a cause."

"Love as a cause goes beyond the individual. It's transpersonal or as spiritual teachers say, transcendent. That's not the same as mystical. To transcend means to go beyond. In this case, we want to contact love that goes beyond the ego. The ego is often put in charge of love. When love becomes what "I" want, then relationship is a negotiation between two selfish points of view."

"Instead of wasting time with the ego's version of love, return to the place of love. "

"The differences between a man and a woman fade in the light of a shared goal that is bigger than any ego need or desire. Every day becomes both a rescue and a surrender. Not a surrender to another person's ego, which can only feel like defeat. Rather, both partners surrender to the larger goal."

Actually, you know what, I think I'm way more excited than scared. Three years into this relationship, I know my ego still drives my heart more often than not. I won't beat myself up for that. I'm still working on myself and therefore still working on love. And I want to know that sort of love, more than anything. So, bring it on, Deepak. I'm ready.

Read all three essays on Sustaining Relationships here.

Fall Boot: Swedish Hasbeens

2009-10-28T09:31:00.000-07:00

{left photo via Unruly Things , right from Swedish Hasbeens}

Oh dear. The price of these perfect fall boots just kicked me in the shins. I was hoping that 2495 SEK converted to less than $100 USD but no. 2495 Swedish kronor = 354.327425 U.S. dollars .

Discovery on the Net

2009-10-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

How do you discover new websites? Maybe your homepage is set to CNN or GoogleReader and that's all you really need to start your day. You might be like me and have different bookmark tabs set in the Firefox menu, ready for my hourly rummaging (which, btw, makes for terrible productivity, so I'm looking to better manage).

Where ever your starting point, you may catch a glimpse of an external link that takes you to another product, another website, which intrigues you and has you clicking into yet another website, and by the time you realize your tea is cold and your eyes are bloodshot because haven't blinked in a couple hours, you're 523 websites deep and haven't even checked your email yet.

That's my history log right there, thank you Firefox for outing me.

Allow me to share with you what I discovered from 7:21 AM to 9:20 AM this morning.

(Facebook) My friends Shannon and Jason are now engaged! I left them a comment congratulating the beautiful duo.

(Brizzly) @kickstarter tweeted about a video that someone made about them. Watched it, admired the reporter's flawless overview.

(Brizzly) @design_sponge tweeted about two martha stewart blog posts about her wedding. Quickly flipped through those.

...87 more Facebook links later...

(Cup of Jo) Joanna dropped a little link to a Flickr account about a red spray-painted chandelier. Here we go...

(abchao Flickr) Documented several interior remodels of her gorgeous home, and of course, I became obsessed.

.... 86 Flickr photos later, I take a break to check my Gmail, my bank statement, and head back to Flickr...

(abchao Flickr) In her photo captions she mentions GOOP, Gwenyth Paltrow's lifestyle blog, and I remember how much I liked it so I pay her a visit and watch her latest cooking video on roast chicken and fingerling potatoes. Now have dinner plans and a renewed respect for Gwen.

She also mentions a good book (bought two copies, one for me and one for my mother), a pair of shoes, and her blog, which takes me on another spiral.

... after76 more Flickr Pageviews between abchao and her friend 10cent's interiors...

(Max Wanger) I instinctively pay his blog a visit and he directs me to a cool ass user collected product blog. Mmmmm shiny things..

(behance) .. which redirect me to a notebook that I like and remember that I'm in the market for one. Think about writing a blog post about it, and start looking for a variety of notebooks.

(Facebook) Saw a poster that reminded me of a friend and wanted to post the link on his page but got lost in 30 Facebook pageviews. Back to Behance.

(99%) Accidentally clicked on a side link that turned out to be right up my alley. I spent all weekend studying leadership / business / organizing tools and 99% articles and tips cover it all. I even do a little research on their conference in NY in April. Sweet Jesus.

*deep breath* I feel like I just confessed my sins to my mother. Except my sins are links, displayed shamelessly above. I wonder if you'll click on any of them, and go on a little escapade on your own. Can you relate to this insanity that is a little part of my life at a desk? I know I'm not the only stalker here. =)

Anyway, happy Monday everyone.

E. E. Cummings Quote

2009-10-24T07:00:00.000-07:00

"I thank you God for this amazing day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue dream of sky; and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes. "

—e.e. cummings

To Pet or Not to Pet?

2009-10-23T17:10:00.000-07:00

What is it about people and their pets? What's so special about that relationship that make people coo and goo over camera photos and stories? I realize that might sound cynical, but please know that I'm genuinely curious and not trying to offend. I feel like a bad person to say that I can't relate to that mushy gushy love between pets and their owners. I can witness it and understand that it's real, but I just haven't experienced it for myself.

Growing up we had pets. Nippers and Melody were rabbits, and Angel was a parakeet. We brought home the class hamster. Clover, a German shepherd/lab mix, accompanied with us for a good 11 years, but we had to put down earlier this year because of an untreatable tumor. I miss her, and regret that I never took good care of her. I always saw her as a misbehaved dog, and never opened my heart to her until much too late. I loved her when she was little and cute, and then I became a self-absorbed lazy ass of a teenager. What was missing from me that kept us from having a relationship?

There are some days that I feel a longing for companionship, and a little puppy or kitten sounds like just the solution for my problems. But that's not very fair is it. I feel that it's not right to decide to have a pet out of loneliness and dependency, whether that pet be a mouse or a human. And on days that I feel good and solid, a pet would seem more of a responsibility than anything. Something is missing there as well.

Is it because I see animals as animals, and not as humans? It's selfish to say, I know. I'm sorry... I'm just trying to understand. Am I being self righteous, and bigoted? I would love love love to have a friend to listen, to cuddle and run around with -- but it all seems so weird and experimental to me. I know of neurotic pets whose owners pull their hair out over, yet love them to bits. I know of calm and passive animals who become part of the routine, and aren't babied. I know of perfectly co-habitable cats and well behaved dogs.

I don't know what about me is being reflected in my opinion of animals. I do know, that until I figure it out, I can't ever have a pet, and that makes me sad to know that I'm missing out on something.

When Clarity Fails

2009-10-22T13:06:00.000-07:00

And vagueness prevails. I dreamt something very important last night.. epiphanous, even. Of course I can't remember what it was.

Brene Brown, will you be my guru?

2009-10-20T10:26:00.000-07:00

"Be creative. There's no such thing as Creative People and Not Creative People -- there are only People Who Choose to Use Their Creative Gifts and People Who Don't. Remember this: the only unique things you will ever do in this world will be things which are creative."

- Brene Brown

Talk about putting things into perspective. There's no excuse anymore.

From her bio: "Dr. Brené Brown is a writer, researcher, and educator. She is a member of the research faculty at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work where she has spent the past ten years studying connection - specifically authenticity, belonging, and shame, and the affect these powerful emotions have on the way we live, love, parent, work and build relationships."

Check out more of what she has to say. I respect people with the courage to look deeply within for ways to happy living. On her blog Ordinary Courage, Brown spreads the good word through storytelling and her own life examples that are approachable and relatable. For example, having been a waitress myself for most of my teenage life and then some, I totally agree with her thoughts on respecting the service industry.

I've got a LOT to learn and correct about myself, I am aware of this. I also accept that living the way you want to takes courage and it takes time. But if I could tap into her work one crumb at a time, I would feel nourished daily.

Monday Morning Meandering

2009-10-19T08:04:00.000-07:00

[image from The Thinking Tank]

Monday 8 A.M. At the office early. I love it when the pigeons swoop by the windows in huge flocks -- I can't hear them but I see them out of the corner of my eye. Never quite turn on the camera fast enough.

So far, this morning was full of the following:

• An everything bagel with cream cheese and honey lemon tea. Opted not for the coffee that I think makes me highly grumplestiltskin.
• Photographers Jonas Peterson and Mikael Kennedy make me ache for my camera and the outdoors.
• My friend Justin invited me to Google Wave (!) so I watched two quick tutorials. So much to absorb. Huge learning curve if you're not already web app saavy, and I consider myself to be medium skilled. Regardless, I'm so stoked to practice using this collaborative tool with some friends of mine. Wave at me if you have it! milan.phan@googlewave.com.
• IKEA hack by one of my fav bloggers, for me, for you.
• Collaborative column about being recently self-employed between Mint Design and Pitch Design Union. If there's one thing that's bittersweet about this economy, is the emerging potential for greatness and goodwill we are seeing in people these days.
• Paper paper paper. Researching a possible visual identity for myself. Requesting some quotes for a thank you note card from a couple of letterpress stationary designers -- so far it's looking pricey but worth it!

LET THE WILD RUMPUS START!

2009-10-16T10:13:00.001-07:00

Y'all ready to see this movie or what?

My parents have a huge front yard and an even huger backyard full of sticks and branches when gardening time comes. I don't remember a lot of my childhood, but I remember 'helping' my dad take the sticks out to the street to be collected, but never quite making it past the front lawn. Each load would become part of an intricately tangled wall that looked a lot like this:

We'd lay on the grass and go PEW PEW PEW with our scratched up arms at the passing cars like street bandits. So badass. I will always love autumn for that memory alone.

So when Booooooom held a contest that prompted the world to build their own fort out of things they love, my heart melted. After viewing the hundreds upon hundreds of submissions, they finally picked a well-deserved winner who built his fort out of salvaged palettes and hundred of feet of string - no nails! and three great runner-ups including these little hoodlums:

I cannot WAIT to play with my own kids like this. We are going to TEAR. IT. UP.

Regain faith in the world's imagination and see the winning submissions here. Go Booooooom. Oh, and see the movie. My friend says there will be love-crowing.

[All images from Booooooom.]

Hey hey heyyy.

2009-10-14T15:00:00.001-07:00

Mount Bachelor is following ME. ME! I'm such a lucky girl.

Special Moments

2009-10-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

I really enjoy reading about what other couples bicker about. I know that it can be sort of voyeuristic of me to enjoy a peek into an intimate relationship, but it just makes me giggle! I found this from MightyGirl's blog:

"Me (Margaret Mason): Yow. It may be time to trim those toenails.
Bryan (her husband): No! They’re the source of my power."

That would make me laugh.

Jas and I hardly bicker. While we have dozens of great serious-turned-hilarious moments, we have dozens of arguments due to poor communication or bad moods. But I couldn't call it bickering. We're notorious for retreating into our own shells, but we've figured out a formula that works for us. It boils down to either 1) If either of us need to leave, let the other know- like last night, and 2) Do what it takes to keep moving forward, through distraction or talking- like last night.

Ok so to preface, yesterday we rode the train home together after work yesterday in silence, and didn't quite reconnect. You know how sometimes couples energize off each other, and when one is down the other just needs to pick up the slack and fill that gap? I was tired and pissy from the day-long downpour, I guess, and didn't really have any energy at all. Oh, and it's definitely That Time of Month.

When we got home, I immediately called a leasing consultant about an apartment I'd been obsessing over all weekend. While one the phone, Jas was crunching on tortilla chips REALLY loudly next to me so I motioned for to him to stop. It was an important call. When he reached for another chip I made sure to smile as I reached and gently pinched his lips closed, just in case he hadn't gotten my telepathic message to for-the-love-of-buddha--please-stop-eating-those-three-month-old-tortilla-chips-i-can't-hear-myself-think!!!

I don't know, maybe it was his way of cheering me up because he noticed I was quiet on the train, or maybe it was the teenager in him retaliating my motherly demand, but seeming like he got the message, he went into the other room, turned around, and shot his fists into the air while beaming as wiiidely as possible. As if to cheer me on or something. Cute, right? Yeah, I thought so too. But then remembered I was on the phone and hadn't been listening to the leasing dude at all (did I mention that this is a very important call about an apartment that we BOTH love!?). I gave Jas a "question?" look and he pumped his fists into the air again. Okay. That he is messing with me has just been confirmed.

I turn my attention back to the phone. Jas comes back into the room, no, scratch that, BOUNDS back into the room as if he had something urgent to tell me. I look up, and he's cheesing in my face. Normally cute, not so much when I'm trying to secure our FUTURE HOME. I won't tell you what he did next to make me turn completely backwards on the couch, but I will tell you that it had something to do with his slapping his butt. Here's a visual for you. I'm not sure how to illustrate how I felt at the time but rest assured, I was FUMING.

After I got off the phone, it was obvious that Jason knew I was annoyed and that he felt bad, but I was unable to become UNannoyed. So I steamed for a bit while he went to the gym, but the gym's power was out so he came back and I sulked some more but he stuck with me. Good man. In the end, he picked up some dinner and we ate while watching Mad Men. oh, 3) Eating a good meal always helps. After eating we were alllll good.

But yeah, bickering? I can't really think of anything in specific. =)

Anyway, I am almost certain that IF we bicker it's 100% initiated by me. I admit my main neurosis is to have things my way - which of course makes me bossy, but he seems to absorb it well seeing as how his personality is much like the rubber skin of Mr. Fantastic. I really love that about him. So much that I really try be aware and keep my crazy to a minimum so that I don't abuse or take him for granted. Next time I'll know, he's really cheering me on for NOT choking him the ONE time he won't let me have my way.

Do you have silly arguments with your friends or significant others? I'd love to hear your stories.

First Rain

2009-10-13T07:20:00.000-07:00

[View from my 4th and Market Street office, San Francisco, 7:15 AM, 9/13/09]

The city is anew. All through the night, rooftops pour old droppings down the faces of buildings, tires knead the spittage and dirt from crevices. Only people who really want or really need to be here show up at a time this early. In this morning, normally dim, all the streets glisten happily into the distance, into the dark.

Been a while, Crocodile

2009-10-12T08:46:00.000-07:00

Morning folks,
I missed you! I'm in really early at work today to catch up, even before the sun got up. I've been preoccupied taking care of big things both at work and personally, while being under the weather for a couple of days -- but all better now!

While on the couch this weekend, I had some time to update parts of my portfolio, so please check it out when you have a chance, and comment here on impressions or what you think I can improve! An advanced beso para ti.

Added a Brand//Identity section.*

Set up Contact form so I can receive your email instantly.*

Edited my About Me profile a tad. Need copywriting help.*

*Desktop wallpaper credit: Peter McCollough. No, I will never stop mentioning him or his talent.

What else... I've something on my mind so constantly this weekend that there's no way I CAN'T mention it or else I'd feel deceitful but it's no time to really announce anything so I think I will just say that it is reserved for another post another day. Say, in a week or two. I hope you can wait. (No, I'm not with child.) Terribly unsatisfying news, I know.

How about I share secrets instead? I am dying to see New Moon, the new Twilight movie that comes out Nov. 20th, and audibly squeal whenever I see a preview or poster for it. I pay attention to the way I walk, and sometimes change it if I feel it's too sloppy, if there is such thing as a sloppy walk. I've started writing three short stories. So far I've got somewhere between one to three sentences each. Super short =), but I'll share them with you if you ask me. I'll even make them pretty for you.

There, I think that should help you forget that I almost announced that other thing but didn't really. =)

Who says print is dead?

2009-10-05T15:57:00.000-07:00

"...Biggest one-day bloodbath in the publishing company’s 100-year history."

It's all over Twitter. With today's announcement of Conde Nast "axing" four of its titles, the world of print is trembling in their paper boots.. I'm writing to tell you to have a little hope! Be a little innovative! Sure times are rough, but all the more reason to look for those little opportunities.

I stumbled upon MagCloud this morning, an online-submit print-to-order magazine publishing tool. Along with hundreds of other photographers, Derek Powzawek took advantage of the eerie dust storm that covered Sydney last month to create a 40-page publication in 31.5 hours. Uh-amazing? Mostly because I could do that too? And so could you? Yeah.

At 20 cents a page, and print to order model, it's pretty affordable and capable of high-volume. Got a story to tell, and 48 hours to spare? Publish a mag! Read about more benefits and how MagCloud works here.

In the same vein, have you seen the new issue of Lonny Magazine? Of course you have, it's all over the blogsphere. Published by two ex-editors of the highly mourned Domino magazine (also closed by Conde Nast earlier this year), Michelle Adams and Patrick Cline, this is new ground for home decor publications. They've laid out the magazine format over an online platform, making possibilities endless, complete with clickable retail/shop links when you hover over images, zoom and a print option. I don't know how this mag is going to make money, but it's going to get a heap of page views!

"OUR MISSION is to reopen the doors of accessible design. By embracing an online platform we provide inspiration at the click of a finger, directly connecting our readers to their favorite products and resources. Our freedom from page limits means that we can share more content in each issue, delivering an intimate look into the way people really live." - m.a. belle

One complaint I have is the decision to stick to an 8x11" page format -- it doesn't translate on screen and every time I want to read something I have to zoom in. I suppose it's not a website, and encourages printing, but it seems a bit grey to me.

Anyway, alls I'm saying is keep yer chins up, print peeps. There are business models and new technology for the taking, we just need to realize it. If we think of ends as beginnings, maybe it won't seem so sad...

Ain't Made for Walkin'

2009-09-28T12:19:00.000-07:00

[click photos for source]

In preparation for fall: new shoes! Just delivered from Piperlime (who btw, have fantastic packaging). And remarkably, they fit like a glove. On your feet. Like socks, I guess.

A note on changing [fashion-related] standards:
Ever since moving to the Bay Area and working in the middle of the San Francisco Financial District, I must say I've become keenly aware of my wardrobe. Coming from a college town where wearing PJ's in public is totally acceptable, I think I transitioned into the work-world attire pretty seamlessly. However, I can't seem to go back to that state of comfort. Dressing myself every morning is a conscious decision, and a dumb number a minutes is spent gaping at my hangers. It's not really about making a personal statement, or about fitting in. I think I just feel a different meaning of comfortable now.

In middle school, anything brown or corduroy spelled 'comfort' for me. If it was both you bet I was a happy weird camper.

In high school, I pretty much wore the same dark blue American Eagle hoodie every day. It accentuated my chest and was thin enough for layering. And it had pockets.

I have no idea what I was thinking in college. Actually I had no idea what I was thinking at all ever. But in college I just didn't give a hoot. I think I went shopping twice in all four years, and everything else was a hand-me-down from friends. It wasn't until my guy roommate told me that I oughta "flaunt what I got" that I started realizing that my presentation is perceived.

Now, I go to work in heels, pressed pants or a pencil skirt, and sometimes a dress. Gone are the days that I could feel comfortable enough to walk out without a bra under my shirt (nothing scandalous, I swear). Part of being professional is representing your industry and yourself, and part of representation deals with your image. By no means am I advocating pretentiousness, or implying that your dress defines your professionalism. I'm simply realizing that depending on context, the standard for dress may change because it is no longer about self-expression. It's about self-representation.

What do you think? Have you changed your appearance for any reason, and why?

Shouting things I love in no particular order

2009-09-25T07:07:00.000-07:00

[By Camilla Engman via sfgirlbybay]

LETTERPRESS PRINTING. ANNA BOND OF RIFLE DESIGN. ERIN JANG OF INDIGO BUNTING ILLUSTRATION& DESIGN. COLLECTING BITS OF NATURE. START-UP COMPANIES. JAPANESE FOOD. DILL WEED. CAMPING BY THE OCEAN. THE OCEAN. DAYS OFF. ON-DAYS. A WELL DESIGNED ROOM. SEEING DREAMS MATERIALIZE. TIME ALONE. COOKING WITH FRIENDS. JASON'S SUDDEN DANCE MOVES. A GOOD SONG. WES ANDERSON'S FILMS. JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT. THINGS THAT FIT. BEING WITH MON SOEURS. WALKS IN DAVIS IN THE FALL. RECHARGING. A CLEAN HOME. MY FRIENDS. THE THOUGHT OF LIVING WITH JASON SOON. MAKING LISTS AND CHECKING THINGS OFF. QUIET SLOW MORNINGS. BOATS. MORNING LIGHT. GETTING MAIL. FINDING PARTY & WEDDING INSPIRATION. HIS SCENT. A GOOD JOKE. "I'D BE LYING" BY GREG LASWELL.

What do you love that's worth shouting about?

Snoozing on Life

2009-09-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

Do I HAVE to?

By the looks of it, summer has gone and fall is here. I really couldn't wake up this morning. Why, I thought, am I using the only bit of energy I have to hit snooze? Why does my body try to convince me that it wants to STAY RIGHT HERE DON'T MOVE. My thoughts automatically runs through the catalog of potential dangers that my body might be warning me of. Nope, just another day. Can you get up now? No. Okay 5 more minutes.

What about now?

No.

*sigh*

After about four rounds of this, I succumb to the excuse/reason/fact that it's because the weather is changing. Bleh.

Facing changes

Aging is funny to me in a head-tilt sort of way. I'll go about my business, and suddenly get slapped with something new and be like, goddamnit! and calm down and learn from it and then get slapped again! and go whoa ho ho ho okay, I get it! I continue about my business, freshly slapped and braced for another one. I'll think I know how it'll sting, but each slap seems just as, if not harder than, the last. But eventually it's the skin that toughens over time, accustomed to the slaps and not minding it so much. I wonder Why are you slapping me? or What am I supposed to do after being slapped? or What the hell is the point?

I can only assume that this is a part of life, and that some of you will roll your eyes at my young'un self and say "been there done that". You could probably interpret it for me and give me advice on how to prepare for next time but really it's not your call. While I fear my words and thoughts will bore you to the point of no return, I also recognize what is new to me is my experience only.

It's new to me to no longer see my parents as my care takers or key keepers, but as humans with faults. It's new to me that I am in fact an adult, and age becomes totally irrelevant because after a certain point, it's a free for all journey with no particular destination. Careers are new to me. Marriage and children are new to me. Shoot, feeding myself is new to me. I think we tend to latch on to whatever makes sense to us and define ourselves that way. But we are no longer children who play endlessly or teens who rebel and wear to'e up clothes.

How about I not take this to a depressing place. That would be too easy. A cop out. A pessimistic weasel.

Understanding why by participating

I find guidance in connecting the dots, by looking at the whole picture from a high level perspective. Suppose the logic that if something is reoccurring, then it is a pattern. And if we see a consistent pattern, we can no longer say it is fate. Out of the hands of fate, we see events and instances in light of reason, more like facts. The patterns I witness become bits of the looking glass through which I understand my world. I start to see through that perspective, translating in that language, in that context. Like, changing weather causes change within us. Or, focusing where you put your energy is one way of managing what energy comes to you. Or, trying too hard or too much of anything is probably unnatural.

Dreading going to work? Maybe there's part of your job you haven't enjoyed yet.
Hitting your head against the same problem in your relationship? Maybe it's not him that needs to change.
People smiling at you a lot today? You're hot. And are giving off approachable vibes.
Losing your wallet or your keys, AGAIN? Try being in the present moment; your mind is elsewhere.

All of the above have happened to me multiple times (No, I don't really think I'm hot, but the possibility crossed my mind). Themes, almost, that reoccur to a point of obviousness, like a slap in the face. And simply by realizing them as patterns, I can be more conscious, and choose whether to continue the pattern or not.

What I'm saying is that maybe we should try participating in this whole thing, even on those hit-snooze days. Even when the going gets rough, when things seem to be chaotic and painful and inconsequential, try to find the patterns and create solutions. Find reason and I don't mean spiritually or religiously.. just.. in the context of your life.

Man, all that from having a hard time waking up? Welcome to my brain.

Free-dom of Weekends

2009-09-21T10:06:00.002-07:00

Do you mind if I just toot my own horn for a minute here? Somehow, by a miraculous fate, I managed to spend ZERO MONEY this weekend.

The pizza that we had yesterday doesn't count because it was for friends and for the meeting, and neither do the groceries I bought Friday that fed us this weekend. Otherwise, no superfluous exchanges of cash and service were made! I'm really proud of myself because it literally took no effort. I sort of recognized as it was happening, as I was cooking breakfast and lunch and dinner, and watching movies I had and going to the park and to a free Yelp event at the Chabot Space Center, but now that it's over, I realize now how good it can feel to be creative with how I spend money.

I think I could adopt this thrifty-spending theme a bit more in my life. I'm not talking like a full-on shopping ban - that would cause me more stress than I'd prefer. I just mean eating at home more, enjoying the outdoors more, reinventing the clothes I already have more. Oh, and getting a bike already. I am all about making these little conscious changes to better my life. How often do you think about ways to improve yourself? For me, I reflect on a daily basis, but to act on what I want/need to change takes a lot more effort. I guess it was just nice to for once not make a huge effort to make the change, yet still reap the benefits from it.

Some photos from the weekend:

Free Yelp Event! Thanks Eli Z. =)

That smile? Priceless.

Relationships take work. Love? Totally cost-free. ;)

TGIF

2009-09-18T17:18:00.000-07:00

[In preparation for fall, here are my sisters and I for Halloween one year. I'm on the left! My mom totally made us those overalls. I distinctly remember her putting her make up on our noses.]

Allllrighty, finally it is Friday. This post-Labor Day week has been really funky, timing-wise. On Monday I spent the whole day thinking it was Wednesday, and yesterday I thought it was Friday already. I really should remember to take my crazy (calcium) pills.

It's been an overstimulating week and I didn't meditate or do yoga once. I feel like I can't focus on anything in front of me, which is kind of annoying when I'm trying to enjoy myself or learn something. I couldn't even decide to actually purchase anything while shopping during lunch, so I just walked around non-committally, pulling clothes off the rack and standing in line to put it on hold, never coming back.

Even working on my side project (which I promise I'll disclose some bit of information soon, sorry for being so cryptic) hasn't felt engaging, which is shitty because I'm really excited about it. Just not this week.

So, I am signing off entirely and going to enjoy the expected heat wave. Wishing for cool breezes and mind-cleansing activities this weekend, for both myself and for you. :)

Favorite links of the week:

Founder and lead developer of Wordpress, Matt Mullenweg tells us how he works. Keep in mind, he's 25 years old.
My beautiful friend, Martin Purtill's new song. He hasn't named it yet so have a listen and let him know what you think it should be!

Kickstarter : Where worlds collide and make honest money

2009-09-18T11:49:00.000-07:00

I just stumbled upon Kickstarter, and am sort of blown away. It's sort of a new online social networking tool that helps fund your next great idea by "turning your networks into patrons". Essentially, Kickstarter is where the worlds of entrepreneurs, dreamers, friends and soldiers collide. I love that its success thrives on word-of-mouth, goodwill, creativity and honesty. An all around feel-good system that I wish I thought of myself. Seriously.

Since Kickstarter is run by a mere 5 members around the US, you currently can create a fundraiser via invite only. You set a goal for X amount of $ in Y amount of days, make a video explaining your project and offer tiered rewards and incentives to people who help you out. As a patron, you can browse and select projects that speak to you, make a pledge via Amazon.com, and spread the word to help them succeed.

If the project doesn't meet it's goal, your pledges are canceled and ZERO funds are released. It seems cruel at first but they explain why on the site and it totally makes sense. Balance is everything, guys.

What excites me the most is rarity of a system where everyone benefits! The patron gets to be a part of a great idea, the creators gain a support system whether or not they are able to reach their goal, and Kickstarter makes a tiny profit if goals are met. And of course, to have the financial support to carry out your dreams is pretty sweet too.

Kickstarter's simple mission reminds me that the formula "less is more" works, and we shouldn't try to get it twisted. I'd really like to pick the beautiful brains of these guys and gals. I just wish I knew how to find them or at least read more of how they started up! Well, if you are one of those 5 geniuses and see this post, and are ever in the San Francisco Bay Area, I'd love to grab a cup of coffee and chat!

I encourage anyone who has an A-HA idea but thought, "I just don't have the money" to follow Kickstarter on Twitter and check out their main site here.

UPDATE: You can also read another great summary I just found by Diana Kimball. Definitely she puts it better than I.

Our "3th" Adventure Around the Sun

2009-09-08T15:19:00.000-07:00

3th!

I can't imagine an anniversary celebration topping this last one at year 3. We might have to call it quits while we're ahead! Just kidding. But really, it was that relaxing. By the photos above you might think that we were in the company of royalty in Ireland for the Labor Day weekend but in reality, we stayed at the Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay for one night. It was misty but not cold, which was actually perfect for napping on the sand. We had our own firepit on our porch where we watched golfers while sipping wine and discussing ways to jump into the hole in the bush that was our view. We made much needed visits to the beach to and from the resort, a must for the few weeks of Indian summer we have left.

Highlights: Bathing in BVLGARI soaps and shampoos, dining at the Navio brunch buffet and receiving a complimentary (and endearingly misspelled) box of chocolates, contemplating the ocean from a bench on a cliff, oh, and this drive-by shot of dinosaurs at Half Moon Bay!!!

Dinosaurs rock.

Lord knows I've mentioned him once or twice before, so I won't try to make you barf over about how much I love this man. I just hope that he knows how much. More than fresh dill. More than getting mail.

Confessions

2009-09-02T12:02:00.001-07:00

...I have a celebrity crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I won't embarrass myself and tell you that I feel like I've met him before, or that I dreamt of him last night. That would just be too much information. I will say that he says some really intelligent sh*t ("Acting is hard to talk about.. if you could talk about it so easily you wouldn't have to... act.", "The future of movies isn't in Hollywood, and that's good news; I've got so many ideas on how to make movie theatres better...") and his smile is probably in the top 3 charm-til-ya-melt smiles I've seen.

iPhone + San Francisco ...

2009-09-02T09:18:00.000-07:00

...makes for some pret.ty magnificent car rides.

Sneak Peek

2009-08-27T09:47:00.002-07:00

A lil preview of what some friends and I have been working on. I'm really pumped to be working on a project that I care about again. Nothing is better than doing something (or someone, ha!) that you love. Sorry that was vulgar.

This quote from Confucius has been echoing in my mind as I work on this project -- " Find a job that you love and you'll never work a day in your life."

We should take more walks...

2009-08-27T09:47:00.001-07:00

[Along the sideboards of my living room.]

[I don't know where I got this photo, I know it was a Japanese publication, so I'm sorry if it's yours but it struck me so soundly -- thank you].

Facebook Goes Pirate, Mateys!

2009-08-18T15:56:00.001-07:00

I'm getting such a kick out of this new (beta) language setting on Facebook. Has anyone else found this yet? Does anyone know when this was released? Everyone is now a Capt'n, minutes are measured in shots o' rum, to "See More" is to "Peer into the depths". Want to leave a comment? "Weigh in" your vote!

It's going viral with my network of mateys and getting a high level of response. Who knew that Facebook got jokes?!? I love that people are excited about it. It's both entertaining and educational, and a totally clever way to re-engage your audience. This level of discovery is endless and while it was probably painstaking to go through and localize each data point, it was probably fun for the staff to come up with piratey words to replace "Wall" (Plank) or "Change your Settings" (Adjust your riggin's).

A disappointing change, however, is that My Profile is now "Me". Come on now, buckaneers. Shouldn't it be something like Master or Head Pirate??

I can see how this might get frustrating for those who don't understand the pirate lingo, but what better time than now to learn! Switch on over and impress your friends at how well you can navigate the networking waters.

I'm also interested to see what I've internalized as far as locating what I use frequently without having to actually read the words. This would be entirely impossible and frustrating if I found the Pirate setting at the same time Facebook launched their third large information architecture redesign. I would have walked the plank.

My favorite translation so far:
To "Like" something, a form of giving props or a thumbs up, is now a link called "Arr, this be pleasin' to me eye!"

Instructions on how to change your Facebook to Pirate: Sign in, click the "English (US)" link, find "English (Pirate)" and click it, and behold the glory of the merry language of the sea! Enjoy it while it lasts, because it's a beta version, meaning it's just being tested and is not a complete nor permanent feature.

Yet Another Girl Crush: Anna Sheffield

2009-08-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

Potentially the most badass jewelry designer alive.

I love how her name sounds, I love her studio home, I love her tattoos, I love her jewelery, I love this following video on her website:

I have found that there is nothing more inspiring than reading about the journey of someone I admire. It's as if they're laying down the path for you as theoretically or realistically as you'd like to imagine it.

Nap With Me on my Porch?

2009-08-14T11:09:00.001-07:00

[Sara Ahearn's home via decor8]

This is The Greatest Interiors Idea in the whole entire world. Two of my most favorite leisurely activities. Porchin' it + naps. IS IT NOT BRILLIANT.

From Sara: "... i especially loved the back porch because it felt like you were high up in a tree house when the leaves were out on the trees. i spent many lazy summer days relaxing out on the screened in porch reading and (confession…) napping! our guests were the lucky ones who got to spend the night in full view of the stars and wake up with the birds and morning sunshine." (Read the rest of Sara's description at Decor8.)

Sah-woon.

Happy Friday, dear friends! This week has merely been an elongated sigh between weekends for me, floating through each day dreaming of the weekend past and the weekend to arrive. And now it is here! I am determined to recreate the same ease emanating from the photograph above. If i had to guess, the recipe might call for something like this:

Porch-style Weekend Pie

4 pints of beer
2 hours of additional sleep per morning
Country Waffles All American Breakfast
1 c fresh squeezed orange juice
20 minutes of belly laughs [gradually added in increments of 2 min]
sprinkled with spontaneous naps [to taste]
light powder of housecleaning [optional]

Sounds delicious, no?

The Making of Baby Alex

2009-08-11T16:50:00.000-07:00

Hello!
I'm alive I'm alive, don't worry. By the title you probably think I've been away for the past week because I made a baby. Hah! No, I've actually been busy welcoming back my creative pulses, trying to squeeze them for every drop -- hopefully these lil lemons are here to stay for a while. Alex is the name of the new dresser we built last night!

I got these really neat drawers that seems nobody wants to get rid of on Craiglist because apparently they are that awesome. I've been eyeing the Alex drawers from IKEA for months now but being on a budget, never could justify the cost. But in the end, our trip to IKEA this weekend turned out to be a really good decision. I love that the portfolio drawers are wide enough to carry delicate pieces of paper for crafts, and sturdy enough to hold tools and knick knacks. Speaking of which, HOW in the HEYDIDDLE does all THAT fit into THAT box so neatly? It's a mystery. I took one look at that single bag of screws and said to myself, Crap. This is going to be fun. I ought to document this.

I laid out all the pieces for the photo but it turns out that doing that organized the whole process from the start so it was pretty easy to figure out what goes where with what when and how. I love when things work themselves out like that, don't you? So, I told Jason not to help me until he was done with his work, and one by one, we managed to piece the whole thing together in less than two hours.

In that two hour duration of building, I remember thinking to myself the following:
"Wow, it actually fits. "
"Smells slightly of Japan. "
"Ohhhhhhhhhhh..."
"This is especially cool because I BUILT IT."

Ta-da! We even did it free of cursing and injuries. Isn't he adorable? I'm going to push him right under the desk there, and start putting away those cluster*#$! of paper [stage left] RIGHT NOW. Bye!

Old photos of my sisters

2009-08-10T09:56:00.000-07:00

These photos can't have been from more than four years ago, but it seems so long ago that we've played around like this. Funny how some things seem more beautiful the further and further they get pushed into the past. Like how movies used to be "OMG$4.00AREYOUKIDDINGME?". Or how knocking out your two front teeth by falling from a tree really fucking hurts at the time, but now it's a good story. Or that tragic evening I ran away from home in the rain and I thought I would die but really it turned out to be a truly defining experience in my teen age.

These are my sisters. One is older and the other is younger -- we're no more than two years apart each and yes, we fought a lot. I probably started 90% of all those fights, of those, 99% involved smacking or throwing of objects. We really needed a brother.

See the entire set at my portfolio site. Comment on the grain and I will virtually throw a Rubix cube at you.

I really really really really want a bike

2009-07-31T10:57:00.000-07:00

And it doesn't have to be super brand new, I just ask that it rides smooth and fits my body comfortably so that I can ride and ride for miles and miles and feel the wind on my face and the sun on my back and forget that everything bad disappears and all that's left is beautiful and magnificent and brilliant.

Oh, and that it's no less stylish than exemplified in these lovely photographs above.

I Just Can't Get No Satisfaction

2009-07-30T17:05:00.000-07:00

Ugh. Is anyone else feeling as unmotivated as I have been lately? I can't seem to find a rhythm of things. My pipeline of projects is never full and lasts about oh, a day, before I drop it. For what, exactly? A movie. My interests lately have been drawn to movies movies movies. I can't get my Netflix DVD's fast enough. There's a GREAT sounding new movie released nearly every week this summer so far. 500 Days of Summer, The Hurt Locker, Funny People, TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE, Twilight: New Moon, Moon, Inglourious Bastards, Paper Heart, Harry Potter, Public Enemies, District 9, Ponyo. (I'm bolding what I haven't yet seen but bet your bottom dollar that I damn sure will.)

I guess the point of this was to acknowledge my lack of motivation, with hopes that things will turn around. Soon.

Poster Lovey

2009-07-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

LOVE this poster, found here.

"Grey skies are gonna clear up..."

2009-07-24T09:42:00.001-07:00

"... So put on a happy face!"
I am actually deeply looking forward to snowboarding season. Look at these blue skies taken last winter on a ride up to North Lake Tahoe. Can you feel the 7AM cold against your face? The virgin powder grinding beneath your board, the feeling of weightlessness as you fly over the mountain... oh my god look what you've done to me!

Everyone, if there is one thing my boyfriend is passionate about, it's snowboarding. He's been doing it for like 10 years, long before I showed up in the picture. I'll let him tell you which one he loves more. When we first started dating it was a long distance relationship of a two and a half hour drive between us, leaving us roughly two days out of schedules to see each other. After a couple of months of that routine, winter came and changed it up on me. Our new routine consisted of him coming up the night before to spend the night, only to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn the next day to head to the mountains for the day. All day. Every weekend. CONSISTENTLY. Albeit I was toasty warm in bed, sleeping like a normal human being, I began to feel a sort of resent for the mountains, as if they were taking half my weekend with him away from me.

Stupid, I know. I'm a girl.

The next winter Jason came up with a rather genius solution. He decided that I should come along with him! Me, his girlfriend, the most NON-ATHLETIC PERSON ALIVE, to join him in a recreational sport. (That sentence, with that combination of words, by the way, should not exist.) His Christmas gift to me was a new board and bindings and boots. ummmm, awesome?

Let's just say that season kicked my ass. Badly. The next one, this past one, got a lot better. When there was soft snow my confidence boosted and I learned to go fast and get used to the speed. I could only ride heel-side and only just started to learn how to carve (I should probably insert the word "barely" in there somewhere) at the end of last season. I guess that's where I'll pick up next! My goal this year is to be able to keep up with them. Oh, and to not have to push myself along with my hands when it gets flat. That's just embarrassing.

Beguiled by Oak Leaves

2009-07-23T09:29:00.000-07:00

Talk about eye catching. Don't just just want to melt in this moment? I need a trip to the mountains.
Hugh Forte via greenweddingshoes

Wool and Walls

2009-07-22T16:36:00.000-07:00

Oh dear. I wouldn't mind cruising around town on this baby from Gary Fisher. I really think that this is the sort of exercise I need -- cruisinnnn'...

Imagine having this right above my couch, or even above my long desk. DAHHHBEAUTYYYY 3-pockets please.javascript:void(0)

Little Gestures

2009-07-21T20:38:00.000-07:00

Who brings a twinkle to my eyes? Jason, my partner in crime. He’s so close to me that I sometimes don’t see him clearly or notice the things he does for me. You know how it is. I’ll go through rotten phases when I think “he’s not sweet enough” or “he isn’t thoughtful enough” but literally as soon as the thought crosses my mind, he does something absolutely darling to flat out prove me wrong.
I have this Blankie that I’ve loved and cherished since childhood. Despite knowing how much it means to me, he occasionally teases me by calling it a “towel”. Grr.

I've taken it with me on every vacation, road trip, and sleepover I've ever been to. One corner used to live in my mouth. I had a technique for rubbing the soft fabric on my upper lip while sucking my thumb (a habit I didn't break until 4th grade or something ridiculous). Today I have a way of wrapping it around my head and over my eyes when I can't sleep, creating a cloud of soft warmth that soothes me like a charm.

The other morning we were getting ready to start the day and he’s uncharacteristically making the bed for us. Upon leaving the house I run back inside to grab something and see that after making the bed, he’d arranged two pillows and Blankie to form a HUGE smiley face, as if to make up for all the times he’s called it a towel. And I totally forgive him because of this moment.

Moments like these are common with Jason. He'll contradict my negative thoughts with a sleight of his hand and completely melt my heart. I don't know, maybe it doesn't take much to make me happy, but in my eyes, he totally turns my world right side up.

Renegade Craft Fair 2009

2009-07-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, my good friend Debbie and I went to the Renegade Craft Fair, jonesin' for some handmade goods. The last time she and I tried to get 'crafty' was around last Christmas when we tried our hand at block printing. We got the rubber blocks, ink, borrowed some carving tools and spent an evening on my carpet sketching and carving away. We made a huge mess and called it a night without ever getting to the printing part. She eventually made some cards on her own, and I, well, let's just say Valentine's Day came around and Jason didn't get no crafty love.

Renegade was awesome and Debbie was the best person to go with. The Festival Pavilion was so huge we actually discussed our route and seriously considered taking a lunch break or at least getting a drink before finishing the last leg of booths. It felt like there were over three hundred booths! Clothing, jewelry, buttons, ceramics, stuffed mustaches, knitted poo, purses and bags, crayons shaped into Totoros, pillows made of toasts, stationary with humor and lots of posters... I could barely wrap my head around the fact that everything was HANDMADE.

The coolest thing was that I recognized a lot of products and booth names themselves from blogs that I've stumbled upon ever since I started on this whole styling/craft/design blog escapade. Figs and Ginger sold jewelry to one of my first blog idols, Treatzone is a husband-wife design super team. My favorite? Old Tom Foolery's hilariously unsappy greeting cards.

I felt like a fan amongst celebrities, such that I was too shy to be polite and ask to take photos. Most of my from-the-hip shots looked like this:

Crotch shot!

Lastly, the Magnolia Photobooth was a fun and FREE activity that left me buzzing for a good ten minutes after. Something about an impromptu photoshoot behind curtains, even with the comfort of a friend, feels exhilarating. AND you get a little print of your photos in less than a minute! I highly recommend renting these guys out for your next event to keep your guests entertained.

Warmup Post

2009-07-20T09:56:00.001-07:00

Arrrrrrrr! Yet another fantastic and busy weekend and I find myself back at work. There is definitely something wrong with this picture.

I found another great wedding inspiration blog called Green Wedding Shoes that had a post to a particularly unique wedding. It was nothing but funfunfun, from what I could tell from the photos. I won't repost pictures here because they aren't mine, but mainly because there are too many good ones and I want you to see for yourself.

Their first dance was to "How Lucky We Are" by Meiko (a new introduction for me to the sweetest voice I've ever heard) segued into a choreographed dance to "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. [Your favorite song honey!] Their photo booth was live edited and thrown onto a projection during the reception -- how cool is that? And their engagement session was shot by the groom himself, conveniently a photographer by trade. Gush. I also loved the location of their wedding was arranged against a Woolly Pocket wall garden that is all over the internets nowadays and I can't wait to get my hands on one for my own living space. Every detail I've mentioned here are details I want to and plan to steal for my own wedding.

For those of you who just don't give a toot about anything I just wrote, here's a photo of my new glasses. What do you think: In or out?

I do actually have some photographic evidence of my weekend, coming soon I hope. They'll include paparazzi shots of the Renegade Craft Fair at Fort Mason, some shots on the road, interior shots of a birthday barbeque and then a couple randoms.

Patterns and Choice

2009-07-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

Some prints by Alan the Gallant (via Aleome) that I find absolutely astonishing. This is my favorite, esp against that soft alpaca looking blanket:

We're all happy it's Friday, right? Things I'm looking forward to this weekend include sleeping in, the Renegade Craft Fair at Fort Mason in SF, going to Davis to see my family and extended family on my dad's side, and some quiet time.

I've been feeling too-much-in-my-head lately, yet motivated at the same time. The ropes of twine that make up my life swarm around me in an underwater fashion, connecting me to the things that are the things that connect me. I'm whooshing around in this fishbowl of mine, letting go of the ropes that restrict me, hanging on and tying off the ropes that ground me. It's as if I have no choice to make, no decisions to weigh; it just is. If there's anything I've learned this past year is that
I am struggling to be *okay* with that. That "we cannot choose" is point of redemption, I think. Can we not choose because we can't make up our minds, or can we not choose because there is no other choice. Something to think about I suppose.

Going along that theme of certainty and choice is a fantastic movie called Phoebe in Wonderland that I watched last night and highly recommend. It's a beautiful story about a 9-year old (Dakota Fanning's little sister, Elle) who deals with very adult philosophies in the context of a child's world. My favorite quote from the movie:

At a certain part in your life. Probably when too much of it has gone by. You will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are. Especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself, "But I am this person." And in that statement, that correction, there will be a kind of love.

If that speaks to you at all, git this on your Netflix queue immediately.

If you're interested in seeing where my mind has been swimming around, I updated my Inspir-nets reading list to the right.